Red Flag

For all my male readers (so Aaron (who is married) and Michael (who will benefit from this) who need a little help..

Cindy Vs. Boss (possible other title: Sh#t and Boobs)

eh.... it all started innocently enough. A co-worker wanted to show me the following YouTube video (rarely a good move at work, yet one I frequently make).

Us white kids get a great laugh. Two more 20 something co-workers join in, behind my desk, staring at my screen. Half way through the video, a boss, and a pastor, who is most of all, black, decides he wants to know what all the fun is about.

uuhhhhh/mixed with panic I rush to find other videos to pretend to be watching. Problem is, YouTube is now only recommending racial slur videos as options on the right side of my screen at this point. I quickly click on the only non "n" word option...entitled..."shit and boobs"..so..not great, either.

About half way through trying to explain why we all thought this cinematic masterpiece I'm subjecting him to was funny to me, I notice my co-workers have left me alone,with a pastor, to watch a video, entitled shit and boobs. ...sh#t.

Why Men are In Trouble

Great article by CNN (aka people way smarter than me). It was sent to me by a good friend who wants to remain nameless in case guys read it, freak out, and never ask her out. The irony is killing me.

(CNN) -- For the first time in history, women are better educated, more ambitious and arguably more successful than men.

Now, society has rightly celebrated the ascension of one sex. We said, "You go girl," and they went. We celebrate the ascension of women but what will we do about what appears to be the very real decline of the other sex?

The data does not bode well for men. In 1970, men earned 60% of all college degrees. In 1980, the figure fell to 50%, by 2006 it was 43%. Women now surpass men in college degrees by almost three to two. Women's earnings grew 44% in real dollars from 1970 to 2007, compared with 6% growth for men.

In 1950, 5% of men at the prime working age were unemployed. As of last year, 20% were not working, the highest ever recorded. Men still maintain a majority of the highest paid and most powerful occupations, but women are catching them and will soon be passing them if this trend continues.

The warning signs for men stretch far beyond their wallets. Men are more distant from a family or their children then they have ever been. The out-of-wedlock birthrate is more than 40% in America. In 1960, only 11% of children in the U.S. lived apart from their fathers. In 2010, that share had risen to 27%. Men are also less religious than ever before. According to Gallup polling, 39% of men reported attending church regularly in 2010, compared to 47% of women.

If you don't believe the numbers, just ask young women about men today. You will find them talking about prolonged adolescence and men who refuse to grow up. I've heard too many young women asking, "Where are the decent single men?" There is a maturity deficit among men out there, and men are falling behind.

This decline in founding virtues -- work, marriage, and religion -- has caught the eye of social commentators from all corners. In her seminal article, "The End of Men," Hanna Rosin unearthed the unprecedented role reversal that is taking place today. "Man has been the dominant sex since, well, the dawn of mankind. But for the first time in human history, that is changing—and with shocking speed," writes Rosin. The changes in modern labor -- from backs to brains -- have catapulted women to the top of the work force, leaving men in their dust.

Hanna Rosin: Are women leaving men behind?

Man's response has been pathetic. Today, 18-to- 34-year-old men spend more time playing video games a day than 12-to- 17-year-old boys. While women are graduating college and finding good jobs, too many men are not going to work, not getting married and not raising families. Women are beginning to take the place of men in many ways. This has led some to ask: do we even need men?

So what's wrong? Increasingly, the messages to boys about what it means to be a man are confusing. The machismo of the street gang calls out with a swagger. Video games, television and music offer dubious lessons to boys who have been abandoned by their fathers. Some coaches and drill sergeants bark, "What kind of man are you?" but don't explain.

Movies are filled with stories of men who refuse to grow up and refuse to take responsibility in relationships. Men, some obsessed with sex, treat women as toys to be discarded when things get complicated. Through all these different and conflicting signals, our boys must decipher what it means to be a man, and for many of them it is harder to figure out.

For boys to become men, they need to be guided through advice, habit, instruction, example and correction. It is true in all ages. Someone once characterized the two essential questions Plato posed as: Who teaches the children, and what do we teach them? Each generation of men and women have an obligation to teach the younger males (and females of course) coming behind them. William Wordsworth said, "What we have loved, others will love, and we will teach them how." When they fail in that obligation, trouble surely follows.

We need to respond to this culture that sends confusing signals to young men, a culture that is agnostic about what it wants men to be, with a clear and achievable notion of manhood.

The Founding Fathers believed, and the evidence still shows, that industriousness, marriage and religion are a very important basis for male empowerment and achievement. We may need to say to a number of our twenty-something men, "Get off the video games five hours a day, get yourself together, get a challenging job and get married." It's time for men to man up.

Where has HE been all my life?

Liking is for Cowards. Go for What Hurts.

Great article. Long but worth the read.

http://www.nytimes.com/2011/05/29

Adele - Rolling In The Deep

Cindy vs. Valentine's Day

Oh, Valentine’s Day… I’m assuming you are expecting me to bash today or have some bloggers melt down about consumerism, being alone, and chocolate forced upon me just after losing Christmas weight. We’ll you are wrong. I don’t hate the holiday. I’m fine with it. In fact, I wandered happily down memory lane just this afternoon to 3rd grade. I was set. I had the perfect NKOTB valentines and my class list in hand. Sprawled out on my bedroom floor, I categorized the “BFF Happy Valentines Day!” for my favorite friends; “Let's Hit the Street for some Valentine Fun!” for anyone I didn’t care about; and carefully removed the “You’ve Got the Cute Stuff” cards to avoid sending the wrong message to any boys I didn’t like in favor of the safer “You Rock Valentine Friend!”. Crucial to my successful navigation of the classroom exchange was also giving the boy I did think was cute the same “friend” card. …. Which leads me to the epiphany that not much has changed. Why do I continue to play the friend card with men I like? Why the need to throw them off the trail or play hard to get? … I don’t have the answer to this one but I’m fairly certain it is still the only way to win at the game of hearts. (how much did you hate that last pun;)

Anyway, I’m off to have Valentine’s Dinner, with my parents Susan Boyle style. (Further proof that I have learned very little since 3rd grade) And before you feel too bad for me, you should know my parents are awesome and I’m topping the night off with wine and some fabulous friends.

PS I had a first date last Thursday and I ate more than him…. end.of.story.

XOXO
Cindy

Worst Person Ever

Red Flag of the Week

Nascar

I could be wrong but I feel like this needs no explanation. If you watch Nascar, you just shouldn't tell anyone. Never have I or any of my friends ever met someone and after hearing him say, "Well, let's see I like to watch Nascar" thought "Yep. Yep. This is the guy for me." The combination of Florida meets ineteresting clientele meets Danica Patrick creates a "sport" that is more likely to give you ring worm than an actual date.

I don't want no scrub

Cindy

**Disclaimer: Red flags are not always deal breakers. They mean to serve as a point in which you should stop and ask yourself, “Does this signify a deeper problem?” Red flags are also limited to things people choose to do, not things in which they have no control over.

Hindsight

The Real Feminine Cycle

Alright blog….hi, sorry I’ve been away, thanks for taking me back. The truth is I stopped writing you because I got a boyfriend. Lame and kinda junior high… I know. Actually, I stopped a lot of things when I got a boyfriend; which I now regret and also serves as the topic of this re-entry. It's a vicious cycle- they meet you busy, independent, intriguing and mysterious, but beckon you to give that up so you can spend time with them. They suck you in to the point where your whole freaking calendar is up for them to grab and then turn you into someone less busy independent, intriguing and mysterious. You will realize you are a victim of this when you spend the majority of your nights watching Christmas Hallmark movies alone b/c they aren't around. You’ll want to scream at this, but I would advise you not to. There seems to be only a couple of ways to avoid this.

First, find practical ways to keep yourself in a relationship; keep the things that make you love being who you are. Yes, there is sacrifice and compromise but ultimately, THEY NEED THIS FROM YOU AND YOU NEED THIS. It’s on you to make this happen. If you want to wait in a line for the Twilight premier in your late 20's, dammit you should! In some sick twisted way he'll actually love you for it (while complaining that he hates it- this can be confusing, but don't be trapped).

Secondly, you have to be and be with someone who is secure in themselves and truly looking to love and be loved- not entertained or boosted in status. You should both be thinking “What can I give?” instead of “What am I getting?” Be with someone who truly appreciates your character and who you are when you aren’t doing anything.

In hindsight, I should’ve kept up a few things that make me love being me in 2010. The good news is, its still January and my 2011 resolutions are going in the calendar- 10 things I'm doing or re-doing for me:)

1. finish and submit my book (must, must, must)
2. take piano lessons again and play a coffee shop with my brothers
3. run another marathon with my dad
4. surf on friday mornings
5. see my friends more
6. spend time with my mom and convince her to take us to Prince Edward’s Island
7. read my Bible regularly
8. take a cooking class
9. volunteer
10. step foot in Europe or New Zealand

Oh, and I’ll keep this blog up again. More red flags and a good bar story from this weekend are on their way. As always- your thoughts are appreciated and let me know if you want to join me in any of my 10 things..assuming I like you;)